Personal Attack

     Here it is, 1:53AM and I have been ridding my house of MAGGOTS!  Yes, you heard me right.  MAGGOTS.  As in, those nasty, white, creepy crawlies that you associate with dead animals, and dirtiness.  I keep my house clean all the time!  Heck, I even move all my furniture everytime I wash the floors...which happens a FEW TIMES A WEEK!  So how on Earth did I end up with maggots all over my downstairs?!  YUCK!  It took me a little bit to figure out where they were coming from, and they were UNDER my trashcan.  Which, by the way, was emptied TWO DAYS AGO.  There is no food in it either!  I don't understand!  How did this happen?

     So all I am doing is sweeping, (flushing maggots), and bleaching my floors.  I threw the trashcan in the dump.  First thing in the morning, the maintanence man is going to call the exterminator to have him spray down my house.  I'm supposed to be heading to my mom's early in the morning to spend a couple of days with her, and then bring my daughter back down.  I didn't leave tonight so that I could get a little sleep before the 600+ mile drive to her house.  Now that's not going to happen!  I'm going to spend the rest of my night bleaching the entire house.  I haven't seen a new maggot in a little over an hour, so I'm hoping that I got to them soon enough that they aren't going to take over my whole house.
     What if my daughter had been here?  What if they had gotten into the laundry and ended up in her bed?  What if I hadn't found them before I left for CO?  They weren't even IN the trash, they were UNDER it.  What sense does that make?  Even once I get my whole house cleaned, and I take a nice hot shower, I still won't be able to sleep because I know I'm going to have the creepy crawlies all night!  There were so many of them!  It definitly could have been worse, but still!  Really?  I mean, really?!
     So I'm going to say this one time:  Lord, I love You and I appreciate all You are, but my family has had enough!  I can't take on anymore!  I'm at my wits end.  Please, PLEASE bring on some calm for us soon!  Thank You Lord!  In Your name, AMEN!

Thanks for listenin'!

Wonderful Me

Recovery

"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending."     ~Maria Robinson

     This is the aftermath of our great storm.  I have done quite a bit of soul searching and have decided some things need to change.  Finally I splurged on that Women's Devotional Bible that I have had my eye on for months.  In reading from the Bible daily, I will also journal on my thoughts, feelings, and lessons learned.  Tomorrow begins my search for a local church.  Four years is far too long to go without a church home and family. 
     My mom told me that when my grandmother was putting her will together, she asked the lawyer if she should include my grandfather's children in her will since he included her children in his.  The lawyer told her that he has seen some people split everything equally, while others seperated out their belongings how they felt it was due.  He said that when the children of those who left their belongings unequal asked him why they didn't get what they thought they should have, he told them that perhaps they weren't the son or daughter they thought they had been.  Perhaps I haven't been the child of God that I should be, and I'm taking active steps to change that.
     Tomorrow I will begin reading a book my uncle told me about.  It is called "I am not but I know I am."  He said that it would probably be beneficial to me, so I'm going to take his word on that, and read it.
     We have had a pretty good recovery so far and I am praying that we continue in the direction we're currently headed.
     I love B more than I ever thought it was possible for a woman to love a man.  He is my exception and shall be treated as such.

"Sometimes when you think you are done, it is just the edge of beginning. Probably that's why we decide we're done. It's getting too scary. We are touching down onto something real. It is beyond the point when you think you are done that often something strong comes out."    ~Natalie Goldberg

Thanks for listenin'!

Friendly,

Wonderful Me

Silence

"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, 'I will try again tomorrow.'" - Mary Anne Radmacher

     I have been MIA for a while now.  I apologize for disappearing without notice.  Life in the Military is...hard.  My life as of late can be described as a long beaded necklace.  Each bead represents another area of my life/emotions/reality.  And one day someone came along and just cut the string.  Now I am scrambling around trying to grab all the beads as they scatter a hundred different directions.
     Everything I knew to be fact now appears to be a suggestion.  The man I know and love is hurt, sick, lost, and unrecognizable.  He wears the mask I fell in love with.  Who is this person I fall asleep next to at night?
    I caught a glimpse of my husband, my soldier a few weeks ago.  A flash of someone familiar.  And just as quickly he disappeared.  Now I sit by helpless, lost, confused.  Making important, life-altering decisions has become an impossible task.  Just when I think I've had enough and I'm done, I'm pulled back by my love for him.  You set up boundaries and guidelines that typically are upheld to the highest degree, but then a secret stalker whispers in your ear.  PTSD.  Brain trauma.  Three deployments.  Seeking help.  Don't leave.
     Hush-hush is the typical response.  Family torn apart, but expected to keep a stiff upper lip.  No one needs to know that our family is hurting, that we're struggling.  And why?  Rank.  Career.  Job stability.  Gossip.  Judgement.  Or as my grandfather used to say, "Don't air your dirty laundry in public."
    Suffering in silence isn't possible for me anymore.  My family is hurting.  And the beads just keep falling. 
     And just when I need God the most, I feel utterly alone.

     Thank you to my friends and family who have listened to me, comforted me, and offered up support without judgement.  I love you, and I am greatful to have you in my life. 

    "How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the weak and strong. Because someday in life you will have been all of these."
George Washington Carver

Thanks for listenin!

Fat Lazy Cabbage

"Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education." 

                                                            --> Mark Twain

     Today I tried my hand at making a recipe that my mom sent to me.  It's called 'Lazy Cabbage,' and since you cook it in the Crock Pot, I figured it was right up my alley!  And I was wrong.

      I started out okay.  I mean, at least I had all the ingrediants. 
       Step 1) Shred 1 head of cabbage.......how do you shred cabbage?  Thankfully I had my dear  friend on  the phone at the time.  She googled 'how to shred a head of cabbage' for me. 
       Step 2) Brown hambuger, onion, and taco seasoning. 
  So I did so.  And then asked K "How can you tell if the hamburger is brown when the taco seasoning already turned it brown?"  She told me that you brown the hamburger FIRST.  Oops.  How was I supposed to know that?  It's not like anyone really reads the instructions on the back of the envelope. (This is why I call it 'Fat' Lazy Cabbage.  I didn't drain the grease.
       Step 3) Mix all ingrediants in Crock Pot and let cook on low for 5-8 hours.  Check.

    It really didn't turn out so bad.  It needed more garlic salt...but it wasn't bad.  Not too shabby for a three stepper, right?

"I just get all jacked up when we start cooking."  --->Terry Kath

Thanks for listenin'!

Friendly,

Wonderful Me       
      

I said, "Doctor, ain't there nothing I can take"

"Always Do Your Best. Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret."   --->Miguel Angel Ruiz 

     Izzy had her doc appointment today.  She is a little over three feet tall, 28 pounds, and seems to be healthy.  B was actually able to come to this appointment!  We mentioned Izzy's random 3-4 AM sickness and he's relatively concerned about it.  He started her on antacids just in case, but he also wants to do a CT Scan to make sure that she doesn't have some pressure in her head.  And, he's doing another test to see if it's a heridatory disease that causes ulcers and gastrointestinal problems.  I'm so glad that for ONCE I didn't have to fight with a doctor about her well-being.  It seems like docs these days have a high degree of "I don't give a blank" factor.  It's such a shame.
     So I have to admit that while we were at the doc office, I was really confused why a bunch of people had this black mark on their foreheads.  In fact, the first person I saw with it, I thought it was like a birthmark or something of the sort.  But once you see about 30 more people with the same "birthmark" you start to realize it was probably put there intentionally.  So I thought to myself, "Nicole, what holiday would cause people to have a black cross on their foreheads?  It kind of looks like ash.  Wait, isn't today Wednesday?"  At least I know my post-child bearing brain cells are still relatively useful! 

     Well, that's about all folks!  Have a wonderful rest of your day!

The wounded surgeon plies the steel
That questions the distempered part;
Beneath the bleeding hands we feel
The sharp compassion of the healer's art
Resolving the enigma of the fever chart.

--->  T. S. Eliot

Thanks for listenin'!

Friendly,

Wonderful Me

 

Ninja Momma

"A daughter is a mother's gender partner, her closest ally in the family confederacy, an extension of her self.  And mothers are their daughters' role model, their biological and emotional road map, the arbiter of all their relationships."  ~Victoria Secunda

     My mom is a ninja. 
   I realized this earlier today when I was talking to her about my two year old daughter.  She was shocked that Izzy was refusing to take a nap considering she woke up vomiting at 4AM this morning.  She told me I should go lay with her until she falls asleep, and then sneak out. 
   For as long as I can remember, my mom has been a master at doing things while I have been sleeping without waking me.  Whether she was playing tooth fairy, or just promised to lay with me until I fell asleep...I never woke up.  Not once.  I have even watched her do this with Izzy.  Perhaps I am just clumsy, but I honestly think my mom was a ninja in a past life.
   What a wonderful way to start out a day, don't you think?  Vomiting.  My poor little girl.  This isn't the first time since we moved to TX that this has happened.  She doesn't have a bug or the flu.  My guess is she is having trouble with acid reflux or it's nerves.  My husband struggled with both growing up, and come to find out, so have many others in his family.  We have a doc appointment scheduled for her this week for a physical to okay her for preschool.  I'm definitely going to bring this up with her doc.  My biggest fear is that she might asperate one of these times.
   Izzy finally fell asleep about 45 minutes ago.  I know she was tired.  I am too.  But, I should probably get back to the laundry.  She threw up on quite a few things this morning.

  "A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine desert us; when trouble thickens around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts."  ~Washington Irving

Thanks for listenin'!

Friendly,

Wonderful Me

 

Sunday Funday

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."

                                                                                         -->Proverbs 3:5-6

     Earlier I was reading my friend's blog and found out that her and her hubbie found a new church in their new town.  I truely admire her love in the Lord and her desire to be with Him in His House on Sundays.  Even when we were all stationed in Alaska together, she was adamant about going every weekend.  Her faith and her perseverence inspires me to be a better Christian woman.  We've had a really tough year and instead of seeking refuge with the Lord, we have just trekked on alone.  My hubbs is a lot better about keeping in touch with the Lord than I am...but church offers more than prayer alone. 
     We went to B's family's church in NC and the sermon was speaking directly to us.  The Preacher Man (also B's cousin) spoke about when times get tough, ask not "what's next?"  Talk to the Lord and ask for relief.  Tell Him you are at the end of your strength and that you need His help and His love.  I'm thinkin' it's time to seriously start the church search! 
     Peace be with you!

Friendly,

Wonderful Me

"Those of steadfast mind you keep in peace—because they trust in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for in the Lord God you have an everlasting rock."

                                                                   -->Isaiah 26: 3-4

The Texas Chapter

     "The real name of Texas is…BAJA OKLAHOMA"
         ~~>>A special something for those of you I know from Texas :)
                 (...and that means you, Ben)

     Welcome to my new blog!  Yes, I know, I only had a couple of short posts on my other blog about NC, but we just weren't there long enough! 
     Do ya like my new title?  Okay, so it is slightly dramatic, but hey!  After the last six months we have had, I suppose I'm allowed to be a little dramatic. 
     El Paso really isn't as bad as I thought it would be.  We moved here December 1, 2010 and so far we've only had our Christmas puppy stolen out of our yard, a rock smash my windshield (it literally came out of nowhere), and two men tried to break into my back yard while my hubs was at work.  Not too shabby if I say so myself!  On the other side of the fence, my neighbors are wonderful!  They scared off the men, and helped me look for my stolen puppy.  My Uncle's step-daughter and her family live down here and are a GOD SEND (thank you Jesus!), I (somehow) started a team for the "Race For The Cure" of about 12 people (thanks to a lady I met online) who raised over $700 in one week!, my family only lives nine hours away, and I might have a job lined up!
    It seems as though the Army wives down here have a lot more going on than the majority of the ones I knew in Fairbanks, AK.  Perhaps it's because they're a little closer to civilization, but regardless of why, it's quite encouraging.  I am really getting pumped up to start college and get a real career started.  If I get this job, they even help their employees with furthering their education!  (I might even take up Spanish classes) Keep your fingers crossed that they hire me!
   A few weeks ago they practically declared a state of emergency due to the weather, but I'm convinced that should have been done a while back due to bad drivers but -7 feels like home to us!  I have decided that was God's way of welcoming us to Texas.
   Well, I better wrap this up, but if anyone has advice for this borderland refugee newly Texas resident, by all means...SHARE!

Thank you all for listenin'!

Friendly,

Wonderful Me