AWOL

     Yep, I went AWOL for a little while on here.  Lots has happened, and nothing has happened.  Just lots of...stuff.  Anyways, really I don't feel like getting into it all again.  I suppose I should let you all know that B and I are doing well so far since everything that happened this weekend.  But one thing I have learned about myself is when I am down and out, I feel so much better when I try to do something good for someone else.  So...I'm taking this link from Kacy. 

     This week has been a complete nightmare for this family, and I can't even begin to fathom the immense amount of pain they are feeling right now.  They have triplets and one of the babies wasn't breathing when Mel went in to check on the kiddos.  There was no heartbeat, but she started CPR anyways, and was able to get her little warrior's heart beating again.  Well, I'll let you read about their struggles this week, and the outcome, but be prepared.  A fund was set up in Owen's name (the little warrior) to help the family pay the medical bills from this horrible week, and to help pay for the services to come.  As soon as we get paid and figure out our finances for the month, we are going to donate whatever we can.  I can't imagine this kind of heartache.  My heart goes out to this family, and I will be praying for them.  The link for the fund is: Owen's Blog. 
     I just can't imagine how in this time of pain this family is continuing to have faith, and is trying to do whatever good they can for others. 

     Well, that's all for tonight.  Thanks for listenin'!

Wonderful Me

S.O.S

"Learned helplessness is the giving-up reaction, the quitting response that follows from the belief that whatever you do doesn't matter." ~>Arnold Schwarzenegger

    Today I signed up with MilitaryOneSource.  I had no clue that they would do a counseling consultation over the phone.  Had I known this, I would have signed on months ago!  So for those of you military spouses who have little time to get into your primary care physician to get a counseling consult in order to begin counseling...look up MilitaryOneSource!  It was really easy.  Now I am set up for 11 counseling sessions with a counselor who has a background in what I am in need of, and her office is only three miles from my house. 
  
   My life has been quite the roller-coaster ride since we left Alaska.  Things weren't perfect after B came home from Iraq, but they sure as heck weren't this out-of-control.  One minute things are great and looking on the up-and-up.  Then I'm getting side-swiped by something upsetting.  This week was wonderful.  At least, I thought it was.  Then I find out from B that he had a good week, but I didn't.  So...I'm quite lost with that.  Apparently I have no motivation or a routine.  I feel like all I do is work, take care of Izzy, the house, the dogs, and everything else.  I wake up at 5:30 every morning, and do everything in the same order at the same time.  But...somehow that isn't a routine.  Yes, I do feel helpless because I have no clue what he is needing from me.  He continues to tell me that I need to find 'motivation' and a 'routine.'  Are you as confused as I am yet?

     Well, I certainly didn't mean to get into it that much, but this is why I am seeking counseling.  She also has a background in marriage counseling, so hopefully B will agree to come sometime in the future, but I'm not banking on it.  He is seeing several different types of doctors and has been since January-ish, so I don't want to make it seem like he isn't doing anything to better our situation.  And I have been told several times that it doesn't do as much good if only the person with PTSD has help, that family members need to have help as well.  I was also told a while ago that the man I married no-longer exists and I need to mourn the loss of my husband since he will never be 'that' person again.  Stubbornness has kept me from accepting this.  Still I refuse to believe that the kind, gentle, loving man I fell in love with doesn't exist, and will never return.  Flashbacks of that man come and go quick as a switch.  I don't expect him to be the same man that I married, but I do need and deserve a husband who treats me with respect and who loves me without a doubt.  Sometimes I know that he loves me, but more often than not, I wonder why he is still with me.  Is he still in love with me?  Or does he just keep me around so he can co-habitate with our daughter?  Those questions are just plain wrong. 

     Feelings of helplessness?  Yes.  But I still hang on to hope.  That seems to be all I have these days, and it's starting to dwindle.  Here's to hoping that this counselor can help me find myself again, and give me some insight into this nightmare we are living.

     Work is going really well.  I still love my co-workers/bosses.  They help me keep my sanity.  Starting next week I will be working full-time until the assistant manager returns from helping another store.  It will be so wonderful having a little extra money coming in!

     Tomorrow I have my first counseling appointment at noon.  Wish me luck!  And thanks for listenin!

"Always continue the climb.  It is possible for you to do whatever you choose, if you first get to know who you are and are willing to work with a power that is greater than ourselves to do it." ~>Ella Wheeler Wilcox 

Wonderful Me.

Catchin' Up

     No quotes for tonight.  Just me.  Just talkin.  It's been a bit since I last updated ya'll on how we're doing.
     B is doing much better this week.  We had one tough day, but really, who doesn't?  Otherwise, the man I married showed back up.  He helped me with housework, took care of Izzy while I was working, we went for a really nice drive (and had great timing with a firework show!!!)  Then we headed to the park with Izzy and one of our dogs.  He cooked us dinner a couple of times, and breakfast this morning!  Gah!  I love this man, and I have missed him terribly!  He has a doc appointment this week, and they may have a little more info about his Med-Boarding stuff.  I'll let ya'll know what we find out.

     I fixed the garbage disposal today.  B broke it this morning doing dishes.  He had the music up so loud he didn't realize that he left the disposal switch on, and....then it stopped working.  But me, the oh-so-handy Army Wife that I am, fixed it.  With the help of my momma. 

     Although our family has been doing really well this week, I do have some prayer requests if ya'll don't mind. 

    B came home the other day and said a soldier down here raped his 4 month old daughter and also gave her an STD.  I guess we're #1 in the country for sexual assualts on children.  Makes me sick.  But please, pray for that poor little girl.
    A friend of ours is due on Monday and she's miserable.  Pray for a healthy baby and healthy momma, and that the wee one comes SOON!
    And so many of our loved ones are deployed right now.  Pray for their safety and for their hearts while abroad.

    I came across this blog a few weeks ago.  Talk about a broken heart!  I cry everytime I read a post from her.  Reading her experiences has given me a new look on all of our recent struggles.  If you're ready for a good cry, head on over there.  She is the widow of a Marine who passed away over a year ago.  She just makes me want to try so much harder and just appreciate the fact that B is still here to fight with and to have tough times with.  Sometimes I just want to give her a big hug, and I don't even know her!

Thanks for listenin!

Wonderful Me

Food Stamps and Bed Time

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away.  May God bless you.  You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances." ~>Unknown

     Man-oh-man are there a LOT of people on food stamps down here.  And it blows my mind because those who I would think would possibly need the help always pay cash or with a personal debit card.  Then I get these people about my age, who SEEM to be in perfect health....and they pay for their food items with a "Lonestar" card (aka, food stamps).  Now, I'm not pretending that I know their circumstances by any means, but it just seems like there are a whole lot of people using the system when they really might not need it.  And then there are those who actually DO need it, and they can't seem to get the help they need.  Come on, you and I both know that there are quite a few people out there who work the system so that they don't have to do any other kind of 'work.'  So I ask you why, in a city plentiful with jobs are there people who appear to be in better health than me living off food stamps?  And yes, you heard that right.  "A city plentiful with jobs..."  I have been told several times that there are many, many, many places hiring right now. But why would anyone get a job and earn $800 a month, when they can sit at home collecting $600 worth of food stamps instead?  I really have never understood how anyone with a conscience take, and take, and take when they CAN work.  Those who are ABLE to, but refuse?  Besides...I have always felt better when I have a job than when I don't.  I guess we are just two very different breeds of people.

     Izzy woke up this morning with a fever of 103.6.  I called in because I didn't know when B would be home from work, but he arrived back at home at 8:45 this morning, so I made it to work less than an hour late!  It was so great to be able to go in, and know that my two greatest loves were hanging out at home, taking a chill pill for a bit.  He has tomorrow off too, which works out perfectly (since she won't be going to Preschool until she is better) because I have work tomorrow from 8-2ish.  Her fever keeps spiking everytime one of her meds (motrin and tylenol) wears off.  If that continues tomorrow morning, B is going to run her in to the doctor to make sure it's not something more than a viral infection.  Then she'll have the whole weekend to R&R! 

     Things are great here!  We watched "How To Train Your Dragon" and it was really good!  Loved it!

Anyways, that's about all I have to say at the moment.  Ya'll take care now!

"Every human has four endowments-self awareness, conscience, independent will and creative imagination.  These give us the ultimate human freedom...The power to choose, to respond, to change." ~>Stephan R. Covey   

Thanks for listenin'!

Wonderful Me