Have A Little Faith

"In You our fathers trusted; they trusted, and You delivered them.  To You they cried and were rescued; in You they trusted and were not put to shame."  -Psalm 22:4-5

     Six months ago, a very dear friend told me that she believes God is trying to teach me something.  She said that we had such an unwaivering streak of bad luck that she had to believe it wasn't just a coincidence, she had to believe that there was an incredible lesson in there somewhere.  At the time I was too full of anger, pain, resentment, and defeat to agree with her faith.  At the time I just kept asking God why?  Why would He say He loves us, but yet put us through such heartache?  I had decided that He was too busy to tend to my family. 
     I was wrong though.  I still may not understand His lessons, and I may not understand His plan, but I do know that I have come through these past two years a different person.  I know that God was there holding my hand the entire time, as He continues to do today.  Things that would have bothered me in the past-stupid, petty things that really have no purpose-now have absolutely no effect on me anymore.  Perhaps when you get hit with such a long list of issues, you eventually learn what you can and cannot deal with, or what you will or will not bother with.  And it is truely amazing how still in the midst of heartbreaking ordeals just one stresser being lifted can make a world of difference.
     B is doing so much better.  Whether the meds they put him on are the reason, or just his basic acceptance of his situation adjusted his attitude, I may never know, but I don't really care.  It is just so nice having peace at home.  This is not to make it seem as though he is at fault.  He suffered real trauma.  He has real brain damage.  He is a true Veteran, and he is a true hero.  He tries to convince me that I don't know what kind of a terrible person I am married to, and I will never know the awful things he was forced to do in Iraq, but I do know without a doubt, that those things he had to do saved lives.  He saved lives.  No matter how he views himself in the past, the future, or in this moment, I am so proud to be his wife.  I am so unbelieveably proud to call him my husband.  He has had a really tough year.  He is battling PTSD, dealing with TBI's, and living with other more serious health issues and he still tries every day to be a better person. 
     My dad is still not doing well, but my sister is trying to help him the best she can.  I know how stressed out she is because I have been there.  I remember all the ER visits with him, talking to the doctors, and trying to reason with dad all at once.  Those are all difficult to do, and I am so thankful that she is there and willing to help him this time.  Most people don't have to cross this path until much later in life, and I started with it at 16 years old.  But now, at 27 years old, my sister is trying to battle with dad to keep him out of a nursing home.  If he can't do what he needs to to stay alive, we will have to put him in a nursing home.  And when I say "we" I mean my sister.  It is hard for me, but not like it is for her.  That kind of situation is all encompassing when you are the one handling it first hand. 
     We finally have the money we needed to pay the deductible to get the car fixed since the last drunk driver hit us.  Work is good, our home life is boring (thank the Lord!), our daughter can sing the 'ABCs', and I trust in God. 
     Never did I think that with all that is still happening I would come out and say that "Life is GOOD!"  But you know what?  Life isn't perfect.  Life isn't what we always want it to be, but life is great!  Life is a blessing, and I don't think we fully learn to appreciate it until we have been through some major trials.  There are so many people out there who have seen far worse times than I ever hope to see, and I am just so thankful that I am alive and that I have such a blessed life!

     I have found peace.  At least for now, I have an undescribeable inner peace and I am so thankful for that. 

     So I guess that is all for now.  I'm going to get off of here, keep on livin' life, and keep on prayin'.  I'll pray for you too, if you need.  Just let me know, and you'll be in my prayers.

Thanks for listenin!

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with My righteous right hand."                    -Isaiah41:10